#7 HOT OVER 40! FROM RED CARPET TO HILARITY PART 2 - or The Ecstasy then the Agony (#7)

We arrive in Dallas.  I know I am in the Lone Star State because as we are driving to the hotel we see two billboards. One states,  "GOD IS OUR SALVATION".  About 3 seconds later "GUN SHOW - CASH ACCEPTED". 

We arrive at our hotel, and find we have been upgraded to a suite. Sweet!  Debate whether to partake of some Texas chili but decide a good nights sleep is better.  Plus, I am not really eating anything that is not steamed or green until after the big event.  Instead, I  fill up on chamomile tea with lemon. 

I know - a poor second - but I told you I would be honest. 

(Do you remember the pic of Hillary Swank after she won the Oscar?  You don't think she did this too?  She was snarfing down a Big Mac n Cheese with gusto.  I love her for her refreshing honesty and fierce talent.)

Next day.  Wake up to warm sunshine and birds singing.  It was snowing back in New York about then, so I savor the  toasty rays saying to myself,  " another good sign." 
Like Catherine De Medici I am superstitious that way. 
Only she had visions and unfortunately I don't.
It might have proven useful later in the day. 
I layout the dress (which had its own suitcase - yup the entire suitcase had just one dress in it along with about 500 reams of tissue paper and crinkled dry cleaning plastic.) 
Put out the makeup.  Now, the makeup artist was bringing everything however, I am also the type who ALWAYS COMES PREPARED.  So I brought all of my "on camera hi-def" makeup --- in case we had a difference of opinion. 
As it turns out the makeup artist was an absolute angel along with being a great instructor on how one puts on false eyelashes.  A skill I have yet to attain.  She applies excessive eye makeup - up close this doesn't look natural, but does wonders when under bright lights. 
One must learn these things.
I had some slight misgivings on the hair-do when she teased it so that I looked like a raven colony had decided to nest, but she assuaged my doubts by stating, "by the time you get there it will have settled down."  My fleeting thought was, "hope the chicks are fed by then."

After she left it was time to put on the dress. 
A slight nervous breakdown occurred when the dress that fit perfectly in New York, suddenly would not zip up the back.  Hubby proved useless in this matter.  I think hubbies are usually useless in this matter of stuck zippers, but the only female I knew had just left so I was having a minor sweat attack along with worrying about the hair.  However, after15 minutes and endless attempts, the recalcitrant zipper decided to "play nice." Whew. 
Reapply deodorant.... carefully.   Then, shoes (which have been sanded on bottom so no slipping occurs) gold jewelry (not from Cartier but from Italy),  bag (remember to bring ID and cash plus I-phone -- on vibrate please , no room for a brush but the cement hairspray hopefully will hold out.)
Look in the mirror and   .......   THE TRANSFORMATION HAS BEEN ACHIEVED!
Like Maria in "West Side Story"  I feel pretty.  Hallelujah! 
I am ready with time to spare. 
Oh and in between hubby got dressed too.  But who really cared about that? Just kidding.  He looked very handsome. My leading man.

The phone vibrates.  It's the director.  "Don't worry, but the car that is coming to pick you up is running about 20 minutes late.  We can't arrive together. But the event is 5 minutes away so you should be OK.  We won't walk without you." 
20 minutes goes by.  No one arrives.  I call and get voicemail.  GREAT.
Finally another call.  "He is stuck in traffic.  He will be another 10 minutes." 
We were supposed to have been there by now.  After all this preparation I am going to miss the entire thing.
Another 15 minutes.  The anti-perspirant has stopped working. Voicemail. Again.
What to do? What to do?  Should I just hike up my dress and run over? 
(I told you how self-sufficient I can be. Plus I'm fit, remember?)
Finally, a call, "he should be there."  I am exhausted and the event is yet to happen.
I am thinking,  "can't something go smoothly, just once?"  Hubby about to give me a mini-massage and I scream, "watch the hair, watch the hair!"  Ah love.

We arrive. 
It looks exactly as one expects it too.  Lots of spectators milling about.  Lots and lots of press and photographers. Everyone is smiling. You can tell just by looking for the most part, who are the actors versus the directors, writers and producers.  The actors are always dressed and coiffed to the hilt.  It's just the way it is.  Plus their teeth are always so startlingly white. 
(Note to self: You forgot to doooooo thaaaaat! - 95% wattage will have to suffice)  
My director (whom I adore)  and executive producers look splendid and beautiful and radiant. 
And we are all smiling. 
We are assigned a handler.  This individual will escort us through the aisle leading up to the stage at our appointed time.  As we progress forward, people are waving hello and kissing the air and saying things like, "Let's meet for drinks later."  It's hard to hear anything.  I think I am being told to talk about the "female" slant of this film but can't really hear.  And now it's our turn.  The executive producer makes sure the film's poster is placed just so. 
It's time to step on the carpet which is a rich deep red.  
I give myself a moment to take it all in and "own it."  
I am not nervous at all.  In fact, I plan to have a ball. 
The camera's flash, light's pop everywhere, and as we progress down the stage we are stopped by reporters.  My lovely director introduces me as coming "all the way from New York City" which is touching, and the reporter looks at me and declares after having asked me about my role in the film, "How can you be from New York? You are so nice!"  I laughed at that and said, "It's hard not to be when one is in Texas. I think I will move here!"  I think she liked that. 
And so it went.  We were interviewed by the press for both print and TV and web and posed and smiled and laughed for about 45 minutes.  Ann -Margaret even interrupted me.  (It's okay to be cut off  by a legend.) 
Then it was over. Just like that. 
It was a piece of cake and I had a grand old time.  
I couldn't believe that I was even asked "who I wore." Hilarious.

Film premieres. Kiss, kiss, hug, hug.  Let's change and meet for drinks -----   Remember that dear reader!  You think I've already described the agony? HA!
We all part.  Hubby and I return to hotel suite.   Have about an hour and a half to kill before going out again.  Shower, change, very casual, low-key no pressure now.  Lost an eyelash in bathroom anyway. Impossible to locate. Hair back to raven color instead of avian gathering.  
Relaxing when hubby comes from living room to bedroom where I am resting, holding his stomach.  He lies down on bed and says.  "I don't feel so well." 
Not the least bit concerned I say - "What do you mean?" 
"My stomach  hurts."  (His stomach always hurts.)
"It's probably just gas, roll around on the bed a bit," I state unsympathetically. 
I am thinking, "what now, we have to go out soon!"
He moves around for about 5 minutes. Then doubles over and breaks out in a cold sweat.
"I am really in pain all of a sudden."  Jeez.
"Did you eat something since we came back?"  I am still not buying into this.
"No and I am really in pain.  Do you think I should go to the emergency room?"
This gets my attention. 
My husband would NEVER, EVER ASK ME if he should go to any emergency room. 
"You  would never, ever ask me if I think you should go to the emergency room!" I cry.
"Are you having an appendix attack?" 
We prod and poke.  His pain is kind of on the side of his waist.  No organ we can remember being there. 
"Are you sure you didn't eat something?"  "Are you having a heart attack?"
Even though the pain is located on his  right side and below the rib cage, I am starting now to worry. Big time.
He can't stand up but says,   "Maybe it will subside. After all we are going home tomorrow."
"If you are even thinking of an emergency room it means you should go. You can't have this happening on the plane. And what are you talking about anyway? You are white as newly bleached teeth and sweat is pouring off of you!" 
I pick up the phone to the receptionist. 
"My husband has become desperately ill.  Where is the nearest hospital?"
Being Texan, they were all so wonderful and helpful. Immediately.  No questions or attitudes.
Maybe we should move here.

We wind up at Baylor Hospital emergency room. 
Needless to say, an emergency room in downtown Dallas at midnight is as far away from a red carpet crowd as can be.  Plus their computer system went down resulting in  a 3 hour delay because processing all the incoming patients has to be done manually.  No one is used to doing that anymore. 
We sit in plastic chairs surrounded by moaning, suffering, bleeding, a screeching cat fight over a pimp, ( I kid you not) , a man who had beige bugs crawling over him, (is this a vision?!?) and mayhem until he is finally admitted at 4:15 AM. 
The admitting nurse asks us if we are willing to pay a $100 charge and is surprised when we say "yes." 
It appears that no one ever does.
Blood work, x-rays, and c-scans later, the doctor comes in to tell us - "Kidney Stones."
??!!!**##??!!!!!
Incredible. 
My husband looks at me, and with a twinkle in his eye restored, now that he is on mega-pain killers, and quips, "Well it's a good thing this didn't happen earlier.  You would have left me at the emergency room door. And I would have wanted you to. "  I say, "You are absolutely right, but I would have come back as soon as  it was all over."  Ah,  devotion.

We got back to the hotel at 6:30 AM.  And crashed.  Then hopped on a plane home by 4pm.

I think all the partying was over by then.  I didn't bother to check.  I didn't care.  I had my moment and more importantly, my husband by my side. 

So while everyone thinks I was living it up and leading such a glamorous life....

I say, "it's the grits that count."   Without love, it ain't much.  Ah Amore.  A-men.

BEAUTY TIP  --    studies show that wearing red increases athletic performance and may lead to more confidence. It may even make you push harder while working out!

Next.....  Carrots, Crunches, and Munchies

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